Follow Cellar Designs on Facebook Follow Cellar Designs on Twitter Follow Cellar Designs on Pinterest Follow Cellar Designs on Instagram

It is well

Posted on March 08, 2015 by Sarah Stevens | 6 Comments

{I wrote this on Thursday, February 26.
I held off publishing it till I knew the answer I was waiting for.
But it was important, for me, to document how I felt before I knew
so that I could return and remind myself.}


****If you would prefer to not hear the song playing while reading
just scroll all the way down and hit pause.
 

 

 

It is 3:37pm.  It is Thursday.  The sun is shining.  A normal day.  

However.....
I am waiting.

For a call. 

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard


Rewind.
Let's go back 2 months.  

The day after Christmas my gall bladder decided to get angry.  I spent a night in the ER and left with marching orders to have it removed that week.  So I did.  When I was recovering I received a certified letter that informed me that the scan that was done while in the ER showed some "items of concern" and I needed further testing.  The words used in the report were not ones that gave great results when googled.  I was sufficiently scared.  What was I facing? 

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me        
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

 

I picked up the phone and dialed my physician's office.  When I told her what I had just read she was stunned, surprised {as she had not even seen the report} and mad that I had been informed this way.  She was calming...and informative...and proactive.  She explained that I needed some other tests.  An ultrasound and MRI would help determine what each of the "items of concern" were.  

My reaction... "Great!  Let's get it done.  I can come in TOMORROW."  

However.....
I had to wait.
 

I had just had surgery and couldn't have the ultrasound and MRI for 6 and 8 weeks respectively.  OH FOR THE LOVE!  

It has been a very, very, VERY long 8 weeks.  The not knowing whether or not what I read, when I googled the words, is correct or not has been so difficult.  It has been hard.  There have been moments of real fear.  I have cried a real ugly cry.  I have been overwhelmed.  

However....
I got what I didn't know I was waiting for.

 
Peace. I have felt like I have been swaddled....tight, like a baby, in a blanket of the most comforting, beautiful peace.

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
 

These 2 months, although very hard, have been filled with happenings that are spirit-filled, life-nurturing and an exercise in letting go.  

~Our church went through a series of the book of Job and we all grew in our knowledge that when life falls apart we can trust God even when we don't know the answer to that burning question, "WHY?".   Goodness gracious... the timing is so stinkin' perfect.

~I was part of a team of women who hosted an IF:Gathering women's conference. We gathered with almost 200 women locally, and 13,000 worldwide to build community and learn from many women authors & speakers.  They spoke about the promises God makes to us, the courage we can have to believe in them, and the strength we all possess to take the step of faith to live our lives a different way as a result. This fed my soul with exactly what I needed.

~I have had a period where my business was a tad less stressful.  I have closed up my Etsy shop and stopped accepting all orders. It was mainly because I needed time to complete all current orders.   

However...
I needed to wait for something new.

 
I desperately needed to focus on me.  It is something I rarely do.  I seldom take more than one day to just be. To breathe. To tune my heart. To stop. Everything.   

During all of this there has been one thing that remained constant.
I have not felt alone.

When I sat on our couch, in the middle of the day, researching....I was not alone.
When I painted in my light-filled studio all by myself...I was not alone.
When I felt scared...I was not alone.
When I thought about the "what if"s... I was not alone. 

I was wrapped in peace.  I have had this strange sense of calm.  I have spent much of my time in a reflective, meditative, prayerful conversation with God.
And my conclusion is...

I trust God.  In everything.

In good times.
In rough times.
In good health.
In illness.
In abundance.
In need.

Am I anxious to see my doctor's number flash on my cell phone's screen?  Yes.

Am I nervous to listen to what the testing has shown?  Yes.

Am I scared? Oh, sweet baby Jesus, YES. But, thankfully, I have learned to be brave.

However.....
I am still waiting for the call with the results and....
It is well. 

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well.


So, tomorrow will come.  But through it all, through it all, my eyes are on God.  

And I am awestruck by what I see. 

 

May you be given the gift of waiting.
May you find what is your blanket of peace.
May you focus on whatever that is, through it all.
May you be well.

 

{Writing now on March 8th.  I got the call.  I have a tumor in my kidney that is potentially cancerous.  I will be having kidney surgery in a few weeks.
Thankfully, I feel the same way today.  It is well.} 

 

This song has been on constant repeat for me in the past 8 weeks. It started off by killin' me...but has become a source of strength.  Warning....you may or may not cry the UGLY cry when you listen. :)

 


Next

Previous

6 Responses

Paul Berge
Paul Berge

March 11, 2015

The words I most want to say are difficult to find. I just want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are to be admired for your incredibly strong faith and that you are in God’s hands and the confidence that your surgery will go well and you will have a speedy recovery.

Love Paul

Deanna
Deanna

March 09, 2015

Through it all, through it all…we’ll all stay with you…through it all.

I know that peace, and I know you have it. Always with you in spirit, prayer, and by your side whenever you want and need it. Love, hugs, and prayers to all of you…

D.

Pat K.yndberg
Pat K.yndberg

March 09, 2015

Dear Sarah, You know how much I love you and how much I trust our Jesus. I have learned that He never lets you down nor is never not at your side. As I continue thru this different life of mine, I picture Roy holding my left hand (I still wear our rings together) and I picture God at my right hand. Always holding tight and never letting go. Together we go forward – no matter what the day may bring. I pray and know that you continue to feel the love, strength, and peace and the courage in the days ahead. It will be OK. While dealing with Roy’s journey, I read a book – it was by the author of “Thru It All”. It helped me so much. Just pondering those words and knowing God as the great author of life is a great source of comfort. I love you. I pray for you. Always! Sending a big hug!

JulieTrenkamp
JulieTrenkamp

March 09, 2015

Sarah, I overslept today (yet taking time to check fb while the necessary cup of coffee brews). This is the first thing I saw and my heart stopped for you. Suddenly being late for work is no big deal. I was praying before I got to the end. I wish you Gods protection and I wish you well Friend. Your outlook, faith, strength and love of your Family will carry you. Here’s hoping the next phone call is good news.
P. S. The ugly cry came but before the makeup, upside to being late!

Carol Fricke
Carol Fricke

March 08, 2015

Love you dear friend.
And I am one of many also at your side. Always!

Nikki
Nikki

March 08, 2015

You are incredible! Stay strong my friend! God has you in the palm of his hand. Xo

Leave a Reply

Comments have to be approved before showing up.

Recent Articles